Cathexis
Liner Notes & Lyrics

All songs written, performed, recorded, mixed and mastered by Greg Goldman at Cedar Studios, Ann Arbor, MI and St. Louis, MO. Lyrics and details available at www.greggoldmanmusic.com.

The sounds on this album were made using a Martin 6-string acoustic guitar, Guild 12-string acoustic guitar, Gretsch 6-string electric guitar, Tobias 5-string electric bass guitar, Rogue mandolin, Remo tambourine, rice in a glass jar, Ion electric drums with public domain samples and Softdrum LTD, and M-Audio MIDI controller with freeware VST instruments. All amplifiers and effects were VST plugins.

Cover photo by Jenny Sarrat.
Back cover photo (hard copy CD only) by Liz David Goldman.
Design and layout by Greg Goldman.

Special thanks to Brandi Parker for providing input and encouragement throughout the making of this album; Sarah Davis, Michael Stein, Erik Goldman, and Cat Davis for generously supplying some of the lovely instruments heard on this album; Jenny Sarrat for her benevolent donation of the cover photograph; and Liz Davis Goldman for giving patience, support and time for this and so many other projects.

© Greg Goldman 2011


Whole/Part

Ooh, so: you got your look.
I've got a world to my little wise self.
I'm not involved in what you do out.
I'm not alone but I stick to myself.

And I’ve been longing for some belonging.
I can't just bust into your party uninvited.
And once it's started, I'll take a hard edge,
and I will make it so you want me to leave.

Ooh, I long to know what I feel like to you.
Ooh, but what you say is all I'll ever know,
and I can't trust in you.

I hole back up for days.
I try to believe that it's all in my head,
but I know myself too well
to fall for a line like that.
Is it whole? Is it part?
Is there something I can do for next time?
Should I just be less of myself?
Is there something I've just never learned?
Help me learn.

Ooh, I long to know just what I feel like to you.
Ooh, but what you say is all I'll ever know,
and I can't trust in you.
 

Center of the Universe

I wonder with you, girl,
Do you know what your ramblings mean?
It's not breaking news girl
that what you wanted was a chance to be seen.
It's hard to undo, girl,
so you're copping with the boys on the green.
But what'll you do, girl,
when your time is up in this side routine?
Try maybe opening your eyes if you wanna see.

It's heartbrake anew, girl,
but you're not gonna let it be known.
The last thing you'd do, girl,
is let another human into your zone.
It's awfully true, girl,
that you don't take too well to being dethroned.
But I know a thing or two
about your allergy to being alone.
Because I can hardly do it myself to tell you the truth.

You want to know what I think of you.
So I'll tell you what I'm gonna do:
I'm gonna park right here and spell it out for you
until you don't wanna know anymore.
If you believe what the pundits all are saying to you
then you're in for a bit of a shock.
It's a bomb to drop, but you are honestly not
the center of the universe. Oh yeah.
Ooh, the center of the universe.
 

Apropos

It can't go on like this forever.
You're there, I'm here, the space expands.
I feel afraid of what it means for you.

All of these forgotten freedoms
feel like ill-gotten treasures.
I know you know what I mean.
No denial.

And every night we play the same old tune.
And yeah it's familiar, 
but that still don't make it comfortable.
I can't believe it's setting in so soon.

All these things connecting people;
still I can't give what is needed.
At home we're all alone.
No denial.

Ooh, I believe in you,
but there's nothing I can do
but make myself more comfortable.
It's apropos. Yeah, yeah.
 

Drop Anchor

I'm here with you;
and the walls that'll hold
all that you spit up forever.
From there it's up to you.
You've tried it your way.
If it worked you'd be somewhere
where you didn't have to see it.
You're much too far askew.

One two, one two
Is this thing even on?
Now I've got you blown away
and you're out in the night alone.
I was thinking I might relieve you,
now seemingly I was wrong.
I jabbed you in the soul.
You're out to sea 
and I cut off your anchor.

Who said to you
that you don't have to face
what is just below the surface?
That's no support at all.
I'm here with you.
Why not try to make this time
something you'll see as productive?
Or just keep writing it off.

One two, one two
Is this thing even on?
All I've got's this faulty mic
and intentions to play a song.
I was thinking I might receive you
as you stumbled into the dawn,
but I can never reach you now.
You're out to sea 
and you've dropped your anchor.
 

Recipe for Ruin

Out all the time.
Partial to wine.
The blackouts are getting less frequent.
I think it’s alright.
Almost of age,
with life center-stage.
The harder they push us,
the farther we slip in our minds.

Taking it slow.
Try to lay low.
The panic is getting more frequent.
It’s just not alright.
One of these times,
gonna rise up and fight.
I’m taking it back, win or lose.
I’m too far behind.
 

Paragon

There’s no spitting out  this accolade while you’re listening,
so I’m pulling out the grand brigade when you’ve gone.
Try pouring out the bottled rain on a tissue.
In theory, all the scattered pain lingers on.
But I see far beyond.
And I bleed, you paragon.
But I’ll try not to bring you down.

Blown back, I feel the wind upon me.
Thrown down, I flutter like the leaves,
but I feel. Yeah, I feel.
Toneless from the color of the window,
no less than how it seems in here,
but it’s real. Yeah, it’s real.
But all this came from nothing or more than I see,
so it seems that I’m free.

Two shadows crossing in the glade, and it glistens.
Go find what all’s around to take and be gone.
Quite sure I’ll wonder in the grave what if this was.
No sense in arguing the case when I’m strong.
But the season is long and I need to wander on.
So I’ll try not to bring you down.

I’ve grown back 
to where the light can find me,
but suppose that that separated stalk,
I can feel? Can I feel?
Mowed down, and feed the soil beside me.
Home-bound, divided into blocks,
is it real? Is that real?
But all this came to nothing, or more than I see,
so it’d seem that I’m free.
I guess I’m free.
 

Forty Nights

I lift my bags into the X-ray.
Just a little while and I'll be at the gate.
Don't you step across my path
‘cause I'm flying to see my baby.

And I don't worry much at all
about the falling snow.
It's a minor thing.
It won't stop us taking off.
Once we're pulled up in the clouds
I can drop it all.
It's behind me now
and I have never been more alive than tonight.

And what you see's what you get.
What you want to be?
I believe I can see who you are
when you talk with me,
so you can drop the pageant.

What's your world where you are?
Where's your heart belong?
You can open your soul only for so long
to the ones that know you
on the ground.

When I'm out on the curb
I'm like a castaway,
watching the horizon while the light fades.
And I can almost see you now.
I'm waiting for my baby.

And I don't worry much at all
about the flight back home;
I can face it now.
I’ve been on my own a while.
If I can hold you just a while,
I can brave the storm.
And I'll be back again
for another forty nights like tonight.
 

Faith Proposal

I’m elusive. Try to move.
Spark me when I’m in the range,
it's my livelihood.

Tie the loose ends. Try to move.
All it is, is endless change.
Hardly new.

Got another offer,
it won’t be like the last.
You can keep your faith 
and all you’ve learned
entirely enmeshed.
All you’ve ever wanted lies within.

Now, when you say inside of you it lives,
(You’ve gotta tune yourself)
I say it’s in everything;
(Try to move)
all you see.
The part you need to get to now
is out of use.

Imagine that the father
is not a man at all.
It’s an energy that dominates
everything we know.
All is as it should be in the scale.
Give what you believe that you should get.

I’m elusive.
(Ooh, but does it love us all?)
Try to move.
(Ooh, what if love is gone?)
Spark me when I’m in the range,
it’s my livelihood.
It’s my livelihood.
 

Bargain Song

Ooh, open a window.
We've breathed up all the air we had in here.
Ooh, I see a rainbow.
Pull this thing over while we can;
let's have ourselves a look.
I wanna strike a bargain 
with the rest of my head 
to leave myself alone,
but no matter what I say 
to get rid of that pest
he's all over me.
It's hard in this light to make out,
but I think I might see the gold.
That's just a thing they say.
Let's just get ourselves back on the road.

Ooh, you're on the top now,
and I have no surprises up my sleeve.
Whether or not we like it,
we've both got to live with me.
Part of the trick is making me think
I'm the one who's in control.
It hardly even matters 
what you use as a stick
to nudge me along.
It's hard in this light to make out,
but that might be a Z ahead.
That's just a game we play.
Let's just keep the tires on the road.

We haven't seen a sign 
for such a long time
we've drifted off the road.
Whatever you say 
I will steer us that way,
just help me along.
I hardly know what to say now
or if I should speak at all.
Maybe I'll just wait a while.

Ooh, I see a rainbow.
 

All

Been balled up so long,
been thinking myself around this.
Been bound up and tied.
It’s been falling off around the edges.
And I know I was a fool
to try and tame your weary mind.
Because after all, this love was all I had.
It was all I had.

It’s aching so hard,
it won’t stop for anything I do.
It’s my thing, I know,
but I can’t believe you’re just pretending.
And far away I feel a change
is coming where I find it.
Because after all this world is all I have.
Yeah, it’s all I have.

And do you know what you know?
Because the world can see through
the self you sell to them.
It’s a shadow of what you really are.
And when your sky is falling
don’t be surprised at all when
the world just turns around
and back to what they have.
It’s all they have.
 

Done (Where I’ll Be)

Step inside, the door’s open.
Any time you want, you can have a tour.
It’s alright, you’ve spoken.
Anything you are, you can be much more.

Don’t it feel good to know
you’re one of us now 
and you can fall apart?
Don’t you need to know
you’re one of us now
and this could be the start
of something that is whole?

Don’t forget to know:
what shows is not what you can be.
Where the river flows far below
is where I’ll be
and you can come and find me.

Don’t forget your heart 
on your way out the door.
Don’t regret it though you find that you want it.
You’re not the one to feel you’re done.

You’re in for the ride of your life, boy.
Come inside and see.
 

Validation

There are only so many things
that you can read into me.

I reach out, you hold me.
I feel down, you console me.
When I stand out, you go with me.
What I need now,
I need some validation.
I just want some validation.

When you run out, I refill you.
When you spend too long in the milieu.
You wind down, I begin you.
You turn around, I will straighten you out.

There're only so many things
that you can read into me.
I need some validation.
I just want some validation. 
(I keep on falling down)

I'm about to lower it down.
Can you take it from me now?
I can't no longer carry around.
Please just take it from me now.

I just need some validation.
(I keep on falling down)

 
Turn it Home

Crazy? What’s to say we’re not
all-out, in relative time?
No one likes the unknown.
Backlight is so hard to find.
But I wonder what you feel would qualify when you’re alone,
when it’s harder, harder to point it outside than to turn it home?

Lockdown. Until secure,
there’s no coming in or out.
But I wonder what’s to fear in speaking out about what is wrong?
Do you think I would turn around and walk out of where I belong?

Far along we’ll get it all the right way.
It’s hard to know when things are so bizarre.
All along I’ve known you’re there beside me,
wishing I could see within you shine.
Within you shines.

Timely to have this brawl,
now that we had set it right.
Hardly the last we’ll know,
but less of it’s maybe down the road.
But we’re under a fair amount of strain here, heaven knows.
And that unknown you fear so much includes the ones that you hold close.